Saturday, October 14, 2006

My weekly AMERICAblog column at your service:


The Week That Was 10/13/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Happy Friday the 13th! Or as Republicans call it, just another day to stalk kids!

It has been quite a week hasn’t it? Chris Shays cut and run from lucidity; right-wing, self-loathing, corporate-humping pseudo-Christians decided that gays are pretty much responsible for everything from acid rain to David Hasselhoff's music and now there’s an investigation into Congressman Kolbe’s tent-pitching with teenagers in the Grand Canyon.

So it has taken only two weeks for the GOP to go from the Daddy Party to the Who’s Your Daddy? Party. Nice work.

But not to be outdone on the malefactor scale, Bob Ney admitted that, “yeah what the hell, I’m a criminal” and speaking of our penal codes (calm down Foley, they’re over seventeen years old) it turns out that George Allen appears to have an arrest on his record from 1974. Inquiring minds are hunting down the details as I write this.

I mean are these really the freakin’ people who are running my country? Tell me this is a joke, like Kevin Federline’s rapping or Ann Coulter’s larynx.

Because if you gave this script to Days Of Our Lives, they would probably kick your ass right out of the building for it’s being so ridiculous as to be not worthy of soap opera.

The predictable result is that each day that goes by the Republican Party is sinking faster than Rush after his baggage is confiscated on the way back from the Dominican Republic. I mean we are Democrats, so I am not going to get overly sanguine about some of these unbelievable poll numbers.

But I am hearing that approximately sixty Republican house seats are now considered in play. Tom Reynolds would be wetting himself over this if he were not already soaked worrying about his own seat.

Yet, at least the Bush Administration has eased tension all around by handling the North Korea situation so well. Ignoring people you don’t like—that seems like a good idea. If I understand it correctly, we had to invade Iraq to stop them from sharing nuclear weapons they didn’t have with terrorists, but insulting North Korea and allowing them to get nuclear weapons they can pass on to terrorists is a good idea. Got it.

Let’s call it the Bush Doctrine. Or being a retard. I’ll leave it up to you.

I must run along now, a little earlier than usual, as a few matters loom. But I just wish to remind you before I leave that when in doubt: blame the gays. It’s surely the reason that the top-fifteen divorce states all voted for Bush while eleven of the twelve states where people divorce least voted for Kerry.

Damn gays—when will they stop undermining all of our sacred institutions?

For what I'll call a particularly "energetic" edition of my weekly recounting of Republican Sexcapades on The Young Turks, may you go here

In case you were thinking to yourself this morning, you know, I can't quite put my finger on a what would be a descriptive and illustrative explanation for the term douche bag, I give you "reporter" John Solomon.

Friday, October 13, 2006

This is Republican America. Not much else to say (hat tip to Kos).


Apparently when I decided to bitch-slap the lies coming out of Cleta Mitchell on MSNBC, and then it was YouTubed, one guy was not really pleased.

If you'll scroll down the comments (and there are a lot, so it may just not be worth your time), I was actually called a Jesus Killer by someone. How freakin cool is that? I mean I was having a few beers with some friends in the Amman area at the time, so I know I have an alibi. But it was really kind of this generous man/woman/Republican to throw my name in the pot.

And I'm sure you'll now hear Bill O'Reilly, the RNC and the rest of the mothball-for-brains brigade using that one comment to call the entire right anti-Semitic, as they did the left by cherry-picking from the comments of lefty blogs, right? Right Bill?

Our usual weekly chat at The Young Turks on Republican Sexcapades was a bit more lively, and possibly one might say, a bit more raunchy than usual.

Check it out if you are so inclined.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Below is the basic transcript, ie jokes from my end, for today's edition of Republican Sexcapades on Air America with The Young Turks. I will have the audio soon, and you must listen, as the written version just does not do it justice...But for now, enjoy, or don't and leave me a nasty comments.

1) Latest on Foley

Retiring Rep. Jim Kolbe apparently went on a trip with pages to The Grand Canyon. So you’ve got to be starting to get that eerie feeling you got when you heard about the “send me a pic” emails.

I mean Kolbe took them on a tour riding a couple asses down to the bottom of the largest crevice in the world--I mean c’mon, why didn’t he just undress them, lube ‘em up and take ‘em for a slide down the Space Needle in Seattle.

2) Sandy Sullivan – Republican running for Sec State of Wisconsin – is 65 years old and taking on Doug La Follette, who is 28. Which means he is a few years outside of Mark Foley IM range. She wrote a book in 2004, about her youth of having sex with multiple players on the Green Bay Packers in the 1960s- and you thought it was Coach Lombardi who was getting his players loose-The name of her book – "Green Bay Love Stories and Other Affairs"

Quote - "The football players of the 1950s and '60s were every bit as 'HOT' as the men of the present day, if not more so," Sullivan writes of the days when she was a trim, miniskirted brunette who did some modeling. "Remember, the '60s was the `dawning of the Age of Aquarius' and some women ... were thrilled to experience this brave, new freedom, and celebrate our sexuality ... and the football players loved it!"

Sullivan, a blonde and owns a marketing company that she says sets up autograph sessions and Packer appearances, is not hiding from her past. If anything, she is reveling in it. Her campaign Web site prominently mentions the book and features a picture of her with former Packers quarterback Bart Starr.

If anybody has any problems with it, they ought to look in their own closet." Hearing that phrase, Ken Mehlman immediately ran for the door. Rick Wiley, executive director of the state Republican Party, downplayed any concerns that the book could hurt her campaign. "Everyone has a past out there," he said.

- So this certainly puts the name Green Bay Packers in a whole new light

-And you could say we’re dealing with a woman who really knew how to tailgate

-She is running for Secretary of State of Wisconsin, which was Katherine Harris’ job, and it should help that she has apparently already had lots of experience with hanging chads.

-She’ll be perfect for state government, because she already has experience blowing millions

3) Another Day, Another Republican Child Molester (Story Two Weeks Old But Worth It)
Randal D. "Randy" Ankeney, the convicted sex offender who just a few short years ago was a rising GOP star in Colorado, is being held on a $1 million bond in Larimer County.

Ankeney, 35, who was arrested Wednesday, is facing five counts of sexual assault on a child, three counts of sexual enticement of a child and one count of sexual exploitation of a child. The felonies, if he is convicted, could send him to prison for life.

The charges come less than 15 months after the former attorney, head of Gov. Bill Owens’ economic development office in Colorado Springs and graduate of the Republican Leadership Program, was released from prison after serving a two-year sentence for attempted sexual assault on a child.

At the time of his first arrest, in 2001, Ankeney was serving as the El Paso County co-chairman of Owens’ reelection campaign and was being groomed for a seat in the state legislature. And he went to the Republican Leadership Program, which is the GOPs version of summers at The Eagle’s Nest in Bavaria.

In the case, Ankeney, then 30, was accused of picking up a 13-year old girl up after he had met her on the Internet using the moniker “coloradofella.” The girl told police he took her to his home, in central Colorado Springs, got her drunk and stoned on marijuana, convinced her to take off her shirt and took photographs of her. When she passed out on the couch, she awoke to found Ankeney on top of her, kissing and fondling her. The girl told police that she feared Ankeney would rape her, but that he eventually let her up, apologized and told her that if she told anyone about the episode "he would ruin her life."

His boss Governor Bill Owens is quite conservative and I found a nice nugget doing a bit of research. He signed a law in Jan. of 2001 that provides: “Two strikes” for child molesters before a lifetime of prison. Oops. Talk about Foleying your own people.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Another racist Republican dick you say? No way!

Ok this is totally last minute. It falls under the oops I forgot category, like Bush on 9/11 warnings on Paris Hilton on using a prophylactic.

But I taped a segment on The Donnie Deutsch show today on CNBC. It airs tonight, at well, right now East Coast Time. Although it is about 10:15 here on the East Coast, and I think I won't be on until the end of the hour.

So run, run for that tv set!!

And don't forget to tune into The Young Turks on your local Air America affiliate tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM. We'll (myself and those wily Young Turks) be talking Republican Sexcapades.


Good Rasmussen numbers out of Rhode Island. The newest poll shows Sheldon Whitehouse up 49% to 39% against moderate-when-it-doesn't-matter Lincoln Chafee. With leaners it's 52% to 41%.

Whitehouse also has twice as much money on hand as does Chafee ($1.4 million to $700K).

Poor Lincoln, you had your chance to become a Democrat. You vote with us on energy, budget issues, Iraq, torture, etc. But you had to try and stay in the GOP, when your mentor and dad's friend Jim Jeffords knew it was time for all sane people to leave, and now you'll pay the price for that most important vote: for Frist as leader.

Well, there's always that job shoeing horses in Montana to go back to.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Ok folks, I wrote this piece a little while back as you'll see. A major magazine was supposed to publish it, but then dropped it at the last minute (those sons of...). And then another magazine thought about it and gave it the pink slip. So, with the time being right again, and my being tired of pitching it, here it is for your reading pleasure:


It’s has not been a good decade for nuclear non-proliferation. Several post-Soviet states promptly gave up their nukes, but India and Pakistan, who get along much like Star Jones Reynolds and Barbara Walters, went atomic in 1998. More troublesome, of course, has been the behavior of the remaining 66% of the axis of evil, that actually ever did pose some threat of causing “the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.” This myopic attitude of a U.S. President whose idea of diplomacy is calling North Korea’s Dear Leader a “pigmy” and saying nothing was off the table in dealing with Iran (oh wait, was that Joe Lieberman?—same difference) has been on display over the past two weeks.

First on June 29th Iran rejected G8 demands that Iran respond to an international offer to rollback its uranium enrichment program by July 5th. They have also rejected the follow up deadline of July 12th. But there is still hope, as President Bush has not issued his fail safe mantra of “bring it on” yet. To make matters worse, on July 4th the North Koreans launched their highly touted prospect the Taepodong-2 missile (and a few other media-shy short rangers). While supposedly able to deliver whatever nuclear capability North Korea currently possesses (Note to CIA: This might be an area to explore) to the West Coast of the United States, Taepodong-2 promptly did its impression of Rush Limbaugh after an airport luggage delay, flopping after 40 seconds and landing with a thud about 200 miles west of Japan.

With all of this nuclear activity, and the usual voices of hysteria already dusting off their copies of The Left Behind Series, it might make sense to take a second for some perspective, in remembering the history of onetime nuclear powers, almost nuclear powers, still-in-the-closet “bomb” possessors and those currently on the free agent market. It is soothing when you realize with all these nukes out there it never led to the kind of nuclear volley that could have left us going a few steps back down the evolutionary ladder, to the vicinity of Hannity. But then again, we never had George W. Bush as president during most of those years. So don’t exhale just yet.

Without further ado, here it is, your up to the minute guide to the past 50 years of would-be annihilation.


The United States—The United States possesses an arsenal of 10,240 nuclear weapons and is the only nation to use them in battle. Whether said use was justified is still a matter of some controversy. For example, David Horwitz most likely thinks our decision to only drop 2 bombs was the fault of liberal college professors.

Russia—A close second with 8,440 weapons. Though the Russians have never used them, the came close during Cuban Missile Crisis when the Politburo gave field commanders launch authority. A near miss and no lessons learned by Neocons.

People’s Republic of China—Estimated to have approximately 390 nukes and known to have a bad attitude towards Taiwan. One to watch.

France—France has 350 nukes. Why, nobody really knows.

United Kingdom—Possesses between 200 and 300 nukes. Lagging behind the French much like in recent World Cup play. But just think of how many nuclear wars 007 has averted.

India—Has 60-90 nuclear weapons and some seriously bad blood with Pakistan. Another one to watch.

Pakistan—Maintains 30-52 nuclear arms whose sole purpose, it seems, is to deter India. Endemic political instability and Islamic radicalism make Pakistan the “most likely to.” President Bush responds by cutting nuclear non-proliferation funding to ensure we can still cut Paris Hilton’s Estate Tax.


Ukraine—Inherited about 5,000 nuclear weapons from the USSR in 1991, but claims to have given them all to Russia. A widely believed rumor has it that several hundred remained in Ukraine due to a “clerical error.” (Think about that the next time you go to the DMV).

Israel—Won’t say they have them, but they have them. Shimon Peres as much as admitted Israel was a nuclear power in 1998 and the satellite imagery would seem pretty convincing. The clincher is that Tom Clancy (of The Sum of All Fears) thinks the Israelis have nukes, and he’s always right.

North Korea—Say they have them, but they may not. Withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty in January, 2003, and as mentioned above is currently not acting like the most responsible member of the planet.
Update: Blew some nuclear stuff up this past weekend. Go Bush diplomacy--or lack thereof.


Saudi Arabia—In 2003 the Saudis said that they were considering acquiring nukes due to worsening relations with the U.S. Rumors that Pakistani Wahabbists gave a few nukes to their Saudi brothers have never been proven. Wonder what Bandar Bush knows?


Argentina—Had a program in 1978 but abandoned it in 1983. It didn’t seem to help much during that whole Falklands thing in 1982.

Australia—Attempted to gain access to British nuclear technology between 1950 and 1970, but eventually gave up their obvious quest to crush New Zealand. Now strong supporters of non-proliferation efforts.

Belarus—Inherited 81 nuclear warheads from the Soviet Union. Returned them all by 1996 and signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Realized nobody knows where Belarus is anyway.

Brazil—Launched a nuclear program in 1978 while under military rule. The program was halted in 1985 when a democracy suddenly broke out (probably during Carnivale).

Egypt—From 1954-67, during the “drive Israel into the sea period,” tried to obtain nukes. Gave up after the defeat of ‘67 and signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Helps pay the bills in foreign aid.

Germany—Lest we forget, Hitler, leader of Germany, tried to get the bomb during WWII. According to Rainer Karlasch’s Hitler’s Bombe (2005), the Germans may have tested some sort of “atom bomb” (most likely a radiological rather than fission bomb) near the end of the war. That decision to chase out Einstein—yeah, it didn’t work out so well.

Iraq—Israel put an end to Iraq’s nuclear program in 1982 by destroying its one and only research reactor. According to some, Saddam tried to secure enriched uranium from Niger in the 1990s, although we now know it to be about as plausible as 3,000 elderly Jews in Palm Beach County actually choosing to vote for Pat Buchanan for President.

Japan—Tried during World War II. Since then, their constitution has forbidden the creation of nuclear weapons. But if North Korean missiles keep landing in the Sea of Japan…

Kazakhstan—Inherited 1,400 nuclear weapons after the break up of the USSR in 1991. They turned them over to Russia promptly in 1995—joining the other “stans” in nuclear non-proliferation.

Libya—Admitted in 2003 to having had and then dismantling a nuclear weapons program. The grand success of “The Bush Doctrine” to hear them tell it.

Poland—Began research in the 1960s but created no viable weapons. Apparently still feel safe wedged between Germany and Russia.

Romania—Repressive Communist leader Nicolae Ceasescu had a secret nuclear weapons program in the 1980s, even though he denied it. It stopped abruptly, with Ceasescu’s life, in 1989.

South Africa—The South Africans say they produced six nuclear weapons in the 1970s; they may have tested one in 1979. Hard to believe considering all the progressive policies they were enacting during this time. Now signatories of the Non-Proliferation Treaty.

South Korea—Began working on nuclear weapons in the 1970s. Ostensibly, they stopped. But they recently admitted that they had extracted plutonium in 1982 and enriched uranium to near-weapons grade in 2000. A difficult neighbor can pose a problem, just ask Felix Ungar.
Update: It will now be interesting to see what they do to respond to North Korea's move.

Sweden—In the 1950s and 1960s the Swedes prepared to make nukes, though they did not make any (or so they claim). Too busy making Swedish Bikini Team beer commercials.

Switzerland—Dabbled in nuclear weapons research from 1946-49. Dabbles in neutrality the rest of the time.

Taiwan—Worked on a weapons program covertly from 1964-88. Took too long at affix “Made in Taiwan” labels at bottom of each weapon.

Yugoslavia—Began a program in the 1950s and ended it in July, 1987. Great things followed for Yugoslavia.

**All reference material obtained from the Natural Resources Defense Council (2002), Nuclear Threat Initiative (,, the Federation of American Scientists (

If anyone lives in the New York area and gets WVOX, I am going on The Bill Mazer show today at 3PM to discuss President Bush's complicity in North Korea's attaining nukes, as well as this wonderful Congress of ours--you know the one that is run by the criminals and pedophiles.

It live streams at their website, if you wish to listen that way...

Sunday, October 08, 2006


Republican talking-point machines are everywhere these days.

It's quite simple really. If you're even going to try and go on television, radio, the Internet or telegraph and defend the moral and intellecutal outhouse that is today's GOP, frankly, all you'll have at your side are a list of dishonest and ignominious talking points drawn up by Karl Rove--when he's not busy undermining our nation's security by outing undercover operatives of course.

Because when you are the party of the dumbest Secretary of State to ever hold that office, who got promoted after deciding missile defense was important but Al Qaida was something to ignore, then you'll have nothing but talking points.

Because if you're the party that has to tell everyone you know more about terrorism than 16 intelligence agencies who say going into Iraq has undermined our security and created more terrorists, then you'll having nothing but talking points.

Because if you thought it was just cool to go to sleep while the third-strongest hurricane to hit land EVER in this country was devastating an American city, you'll have nothing but talking points.

Because if your party looks like a police blotter, from Jack Abramoff to Bob Ney, Randall "Duke" Cunningham to Governors Bob Taft of Ohio and Ernie Fletcher of Kentucky, you'll have nothing but talking points.

And finally if you're the party that puts your own power ahead of protecting children from an Internet prowler in your own ranks, you'll have nothing but talking points.

So it is no surprise that's all Republicans have. Their leader in the White House issues lies that have reached the pathological, their leader in the Senate thinks sweat and tears leads to AIDS and their leader in the House likes to protect pedophiles.

So Democrats, Independents and Republicans of character, who have rightly abandoned this party of circus freaks, don't be afraid to tell them exactly what they are.

I have been thanked by countless people over the last week because I went on MSNBC a few times and stood up to these lying charlatans and simply told it like it is. And I am thankful to every one of you who has been kind enough to post comments or contact me. But I promise you I'm not extraordinary. I just won't back down from these pathetic little Sean Hannity imposters.

I invite you to watch for yourself what I had to say to them here and here.

Bill Clinton, Keith Olbermann and Jon Stewart, among others, may be doing a superb job of putting these sad shills in their place as of late. But you and I can do our part too. Whether it is a PTA debate or one on national television. It is too important for us all to just "get along" right now. It's not what the Republicans ever wanted anyhow.

Just tell them what they are what their party has stood for. Everyone has the power to bring about the change of which we are in dire need.

So let me see if I can get this straight. And let me know if I am missing anything. George Allen is a racist, sexist, anti-Semite and all-around moron. We knew that.

But a finanical crook too? Wow, George, you're really starting to impress!