Sunday, July 01, 2007

Americablog Column

**This one has gotten such a good response, I figured I'd cross-post here for anyone who might be interested. I'll have to remember to up my Vicatin dosage every week now...

The Week That Was 6/29/07

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

So Ann Coulter and her Adam's Apple were let off their leash this past week and snarled and whined much like a canine forced to go on vactation with Mitt Romney.

Showing up in a hand-me-down cocktail dress that is sold with a free pregnancy test, the mustachioed minx arrived on Hardball to bring her special brand of death-threat humor to a tv near you (where was Rupert M. with the first invite? Is Fox starting to snooze when it comes to booking their base?).

Now I know it was as much fun for all of us as it was for you, but just remember Ann, if we had the universal healthcare you deride you would likely get some of the help you so desperately need. We can also help you get legal advice when liberals act so "mean to you" and, you know, respond to your hatred. Sadly, however, medical science cannot yet provide a conscience or the ability to convince a man to stay with you past sunrise. Good luck on that stuff, though.

Here are some of the other fun nuggets I learned this week:

1) Rudy Giuliani understood the terrorist threat when Bill Clinton didn't after the 1993 World Trade Center bombing. That is why he never mentioned terrorism. Didn't know who Osama bin Laden was. And Put the counterrorism center in the only place that had actually been attacked: The freakin WORLD TRADE CENTER.

Rudy do you really want to run on this? You're to counterterrorism what Lindsay Lohan is to driving or Dick Cheney is to eating vegetables. There is a reason the firemen hate you, you jackass. Let me put this in a way a blunt man like you can understand. Your negligence in not replacing faulty radios GOT THEM KILLED. You get that, America's "cousin-kissing, serial-marrying, Bernie-Kerik-promoting, Oxycontin-pushing" Mayor?

2) New England Republicans just suck something awful. Hey Sunununununu, you can jam every phone in the Northern Hemisphere this time and you're still going to get your ass handed to you. 29% support in the polls? 1% of Democrats voting for you (although, in fairness, with the margin of error, it could be like -3%).

And Susan Collins, how does it feel to have Joe Lieberman raise money for you--when he's not watching protesters almost die in his office--and have progressive groups outraise you to give to a real leader in Rep. Tom Allen? It's going to be really, really lonely--like Bill O'Reilly when the corner falafel stand is closed lonely--for the New England Republican caucus soon (Olympia and Judd, table for two!).

2) My God, did Norm Coleman smoke an unbelievable amount of pot in college. I think Jeff Spicoli was based on him. Now, of course he is very anti-drug. Even though he put so much THC in his system that he was a walking hemp farm at one point. You want pictures? You've got it.

Well that's it for our fun trip through GOP dementia this week. Tune in next week, when Senators Jim DeMint and David Vitter will have probably erected a wall on the Senate floor to separate themselves from Senators Salazar and Martinez.


At 3:05 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

I hate to be redundant when I've already commented at ABlog, but this one had me ROFLMFAO.

Cliffdog at his best. Just say "yes" to drugs, Cliffy.

At 3:12 PM, Blogger Cliff Schecter said...

Thanks Pegs. You da woman...

At 3:26 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

Ha, I da redheaded woman who likes to make people laugh...if only I could do it like Griffin.

At 6:34 PM, Blogger Suzie-Q said...


This is really great! ;)

I despise Ann Coulter and think she is an evil beast!

At 12:51 AM, Blogger Kirsten said...

Coulter is evil. I'm thinking of writing a Stephen King Like horror book with the evil presence being Jan Volter, the comely blonde, black cocktail dress wearing harpy ( well, she likes to call people that. I figure all is fair). She kidnaps the babes of Liberals, and Cushman and Rainey herd them up into internment camps, indoctrinating them in the ways of the neo-con.
And I thought that pictue of Coleman looked like Jackson Browne, circa "Running On Empty".


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