Liberal Interpretation

Unlikely Stories from Real Headlines

U.S. Denies Reports Bush's Watch Stolen In Albania Denying rumors about the president's timepiece, an anonymous source leaked that it was actually his pants that disappeared, a recurring prank that was also executed in Italy. And France. And twice at the podium during Rose Garden press conferences. "They were just drug off," a dazed Bush retorted good-naturedly as the Secret Service scrambled to shield him with their overcoats.

$54M Pants Suit Goes to Trial See above. And in related news, a $5 pair of socks was acquitted.

Fed hits the road in search of the real economy It appears that George Bush's current economy in an impostor. An Amber Alert has been posted for the authentic one, missing for years; investors are frantic. Earlier, spokespersons for both Alan Greenspan and Ben Bernanke announced the pair's sudden simultaneous dehydration, admittance to undisclosed rehab facilities, and eagerness to spend more time with their respective families.