Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Liberal Interpretation
Unlikely Stories from Real Headlines
India's "Condom Bar" urges safety first Bush administration unexpectedly proposes a sharp increase in outsourcing. In an unusual move, President Bush makes surprise visit to Chandigarh...developing.
Snow: Bush not giving up on immigration According to Tony Snow, President Bush, in the spirit of immigration reform, and anticipating his impending unemployment, is making every effort to take up residence in London with his poodle bff longtime ally Tony Blair. After multiple unsuccessful efforts to obtain a visa and a claustrophobic week aboard a freighter inside a very nippy crate shared with countless bundles of frozen chicken parts and three Cubans, Mr. Bush could be heard mumbling, "I'm comin', Blair. I'm The Emigrator."
'Bigfoot' sightings prompt probe "It's not like Bar to just disappear without a word," a concerned Bush 41 said, his lower lip quivering. Bush 43 could hardly contain his ebullience over the good, albeit tentative news of the sighting. "Mama can run, but she can't hide," Bush Jr. winked through his tears, referring to his previous quip about Osama Bin Laden.
Pentagon seeking manufactured blood On the heels of a manufactured war, manufactured news items about its justification, and manufactured optimism about the Iraq occupation, the Pentagon now claims it needs manufactured blood. Although the real thing is plentiful in the battleground, the Pentagon insists that the synthetic kind is more patriotic, proves their support for the troops, and when photographed doesn't look as offensive.
Mentally ill Britons not treated in prison As Tony Blair was dragged kicking and sobbing to Wandsworth Prison, he was overheard shrieking, "I knew this relationship would ruin me, George, you illiterate drunken sot! You get off scot free like everyone else in your bloody administration, whilst I spend the rest of my days longing for one blasted dose of Lithium!" An oblivious President Bush was said to be chuckling to himself as he finished his third glass of Buckler near-beer.


At 1:26 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...


At 11:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me laugh! Are you sure you don't also write for The Daily Show?


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