The debate's tomorrow! So it's time to take a peek into our

*Vote Republican!* snappy Campaign-omercial file:

Who misses Barry Goldwater? Hands? Remember what our principles used to be? Remember real conservatism? My stars, we're not that party any more. We've morphed into something completely unrecognizable to traditional conservatives of the past. Now, that's making headway! Why, we've made "liberal" a dirty word and turned mud-slinging into an art form! We've even introduced new phrases into the lexicon, like "Death Tax" and "Swift Boating". Mean-spirited? Not us! Invasive government power is just the ticket for advancing our brand of conservatism! Reinvented? For sure! Authoritarianism is our bottom line. Money is our god. Religion is our...religion. Vote Republican: The Party of Mutants!

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Hey, kids! Want to watch Rudy genuflect at feet of George Bush? And while we're at it, let's reminisce about Bernie Kerik. Temperament issues? Not a problem! And how can we forget Rudy's crisis management skills? His Office of Emergency Management? Not to worry! It was conveniently located on the 23rd floor of Number 7 World Trade Center! Good for him! Hidden talents? His impression of Sylvester the Cat is spot on, and he's not even trying! Rudy "Thank-God-George-Bush-is-our-President" Giuliani is still our guy! Vote Republican: The party of blind forgiveness.

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Into hiring illegal gardeners? Enjoy shooting small varmints? Flip-flop more than Rudy's comb-over on a windy day? Good for you! You're our go-to guy! Vote Republican: The party that will buy into anyone with jet black hair and incompatibly white sideburns!