Dear Republican nominees,

At first, I was awestruck by your tidy, well-pressed, monochromatic alabaster presence --former snowflake babies, perhaps?--at the debates. Admittedly, I was predisposed to reject most, if not all, of what you said. But I'm a firm believer in keeping an open mind. And so I thought hard about your positions, and I followed up, and I read, and I listened, and I watched, and I ruminated, and I pondered, and I digested. And guess what happened?

I learned. I listened, I researched, and I learned.

• I learned that Ronald Reagan should be a nominee, too...for sainthood.
• I learned that women's rights are unwarranted and at best should be ignored.
• I learned that evolution is fiction and at best should be ignored.
• I learned that 10 milky-skinned, 50-plus men in identical suits represent the "big tent" party.
• I learned that war is permanent.
• I learned that chronic fear is requisite.
• I learned that democracy and freedom cannot exist without fear and war.
• I learned that independent thinkers are not welcome; indeed, they are shunned.

There was so much more, but I feel that if I rhapsodize excessively, you'll question my sincerity. And that would be regretful.
So I'll simply leave you with this: "Learning by experience often is painful- and the more it hurts, the more you learn." Ralph Banks

Dear, uniformly pigmented and attired nominees, after weeks of contemplating your various perspectives, I can honestly say that I'm hurting more than I ever thought possible.

Sincerely,

GottaLaff