'Unhinged' over the Clintons

A "vast army of Clinton-haters" is after Hillary. What, again? Mmmm, this will bring back memories, so close your eyes, lean back in that squeaky old desk chair at your computer, and think back fondly to yesteryear. Here are a few of the ringleaders:

• Republican consultant Arthur Finkelstein
• Richard Collins, a wealthy Texas philanthropist, businessman and political aficionado
• David Bossie, who was the chief investigator for the House committee looking into the Clinton-era Whitewater scandal
• Robert Morrow: A self-employed securities trader who works from home in Austin, Texas
• Dick Morris, the Clintons' fired former consultant and all around greaseball
  

Did that bring a nostalgic tear to your eye? Me too! What could they be planning? Go git the sheriff 'cause ah'm afeared! Cue the doomsday music:

Armed with new technologies and fueled by animus, they are bent on preventing "four more years" of Clintonism. Every old charge, it seems, is being repackaged and sold as new. Every rumor is given a new, blog-stoked currency.

Oh no! Will they also use stun guns? High tech bombs?? Wait. Did they say blogs??

With his affable demeanor and sixth-generation Texas twang, Collins, 60, is the force behind StopHerNow.com, a humorous and snarky Web site, as well as an independent expenditure group dedicated to stopping Clinton's march to the White House.

No way! Not snark! Who uses snark!? Why, the very thought of using snark goes against every fiber of my very being! I mean, who does that? Humor as a....weapon?? That's just wrong.

Well, I gotta say, this is very intimidating. I'm a-shakin' in my liberal, trendy boots, because we all know how funny Republicans are. "Half Hour News Hour" just killed.

"This is not personal," said Collins, a Republican who has donated money to Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) and former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. "It's about her policies. We think they would be wrong for the country."

Oh. My. God. That was hilarious! They are funny! What's next? A stand-up act? Jugglers? Karaoke?

This fall, Citizens United, a conservative organization that claims half a million members, will release a documentary film about the life and times of Hillary Clinton. It's being made with the help of Dick Morris [...] "I think once people see this film, I don't know how she would be able to get their vote," said David Bossie...

Don't look now, but I see an Oscar in someone's future. Watch out, Michael Moore.

Clinton says she knows the attacks will come and that she's uniquely qualified in knowing how to fight back.

That's because she's "our girl". I know that to be true because she said so.

An adviser to Christopher Dodd says that their hatred is pathological. I can't imagine why. The question is, are people numb to this kind of thing, or will it actually take hold?

Even Paul Weyrich, the conservative activist, wonders whether the attacks will work. "Assuming she gets the nomination, the question for the general election is: Do these people contribute to the dialogue or do they turn people off," he said. "I haven't made up my mind yet."

Well, if you ask me, and I believe you did (I know I heard Kirsten ask), Hillary-Hate is so, like, 1990s. I am so texting all my friends to tell them to, like, shun these guys. Collins:

"What we're trying to do with our site is define Hillary with humor," he said. [...] [But he has] three rules to guide the writing on his site: Chelsea Clinton is off-limits; no gay-bashing allowed; and Bill Clinton's womanizing is OK, but no naming names.

There they go trying to be funny again. One day, I'll have to try that tactic.