Why I resist watching
TV newsotainment B.S.N. (B.S. News)
Hairhead McArrogant: Thanks for that amazing insight into the justifications for a pre-emptive attack on Iran, Fauxtan. As always, excellent reporting.
Fauxtan Braggington: Thanks, Hairhead. Right back at ya.
Hairhead McArrogant: We have the best political team in the news business.
Prissy Rightwing: But Hairhead, you told me I did the best reporting. Remember? Yesterday? Over drinks?
Fauxtan Braggington: No, Prissy, it's me. I'm not only the best, but I'm believable. I've got the moves down and I wear great "news clothes". Back to you Hairhead.
Hairhead McArrogant: That was superb sparring, you two. That's what makes us the most trusted news team anywhere. Infighting demonstrates our balanced coverage. What could be fairer than our own reporters challenging...each other?
Prissy Rightwing: This just in! Terrorists are planning simultaneous attacks on every national monument in the United States at precisely 4:12 pm!
Hairhead McArrogant: Is that confirmed, Prissy?
Prissy Rightwing: Um, sure...yeah...that's the ticket. Um, the White House leaked a...classified document to me personally. Of course it's true! HA! I win, Fauxtan.
Hairhead McArrogant: Superb work, Prissy Rightwing. This will cover at least one more cycle. Keep watching this network for the most reliable, trusted, well-groomed news team in the business. We'll be back right after this word from the creators of Restless Leg Syndrome.