Thursday, May 24, 2007

Congrats to VP Cheney, who is now the grandfather to a gay love child, born into his family by his daughter Mary. According to the neanderthals at the Family Research Institute, the kid has a 1/3 greater chance of getting a gay vibe. Here are there stats, with some commentary:

  • "Mary, 37, [now 38] is currently 'partnered' with Heather Poe, 45. The median age of death for lesbians is around the late 50's. If Poe and Cheney stay together, odds are this child will lose at least one caretaker before graduating high school." This must explain why Dick Cheney has such bad health--it was his lesbian vibes--mixed with his bad health--that were genetically passed on to Mary.
  • "Children of homosexuals testify that day-to-day living is more difficult -- and they are more apt to report personal disturbance as a consequence." Duh--because schmucks like the Family Research Institute harass and hate the gay community. In another newsflash, soon we will hear a report that African-American children also sense racial discrimination at times.
  • "A high proportion of lesbian 'partnerings' break apart -- with custody issues haunting the child for the rest of his life." Thank goodness for Britney Spears and her commitment to marriage. Now those are kids who won't have any problems. Oh, did I forget to mention Newt, Bob Livingston, and Henry Hyde have a questionable history about, what was it again? ADULTERY! And even the "great" Ronald Reagan once had a divorce--so clearly, he was a bad person.
  • "The child will disproportionately associate with homosexuals -- who are as a class considerably more apt to have STDs and a criminal history, be interested in sex with children, involved in substance abuse, etc." How can I even respond to such nonsense?
  • The child will have a much higher probability of learning homosexual tastes (at least a "third of lesbian's children adopt homosexuality)." What are homosexual tastes? I guess I will have to ask Ted Haggard...

But in general, this all poses the big question--how did the Cheneys wind up having a gay child? Was it nature or nurture? Has the Family Research Institute interviewed Dick and Lynne to find out how they "failed" as parents? Have they tested Dick and Lynne's DNA for the gay gene?

Because until the Cheney situation can be explained, I wish that the anti-gay crowd would just shut the hell up.


At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I had grown up in a gay household, maybe I would have had *some* sense of style in fashion.

Now I are just another nerdy engineer, and I blame my straight parents.

At 8:24 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

This post is...perfect. Perfect.

At 5:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The median age of death for lesbians is around the late 50's."

WTF?!! Try the late 70s.

American women are relatively long-lived, regardless of sexual orientation. There is lots of legitimate facts to snark upon here.


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