How to Survive a Scandal

The first thing you should do when you've been publicly humiliated as Senator David Vitter has, is distance yourself from the incident, maybe even call it something like, I dunno, a "youthful indiscretion."

"No matter how long ago it was, I know this hurt the relationship of trust I have enjoyed with so many of you, and I have a lot of work to do to rebuild that," he said.

On July 9, Vitter apologized for committing a "very serious sin in my past," acknowledging that his Washington phone number was among those called several years ago by an escort service run by Deborah Jeane Palfrey.

Next, go right to the tried-'n'-true fave, "God has forgiven me". Once God has forgiven you, who is anyone else to carry a grudge? What I can never seem to figure out, though, is how these guys always know they've received forgiveness. Did Vitter get a text message?

"I believe I received forgiveness from God..."

See? Even he's not 100%. He probably uses Verizon.

"...I know I did from Wendy," he said. "Unfortunately, my admission has incurred some longtime political enemies and those hoping to profit from this situation to spread falsehoods, too."

Yeah, it's those big meanies who should get the guilts, not you. You were simply being a hypocrite, betraying your wife and hanging out with "escorts". I bet your enemies won't get a pass from the Almighty the way you did. Unless they have an iPhone.

Vitter did not take questions at his news conference Monday, but Wendy Vitter stepped to the podium and called her husband "my best friend."

No surprise there. I'm thinkin' "lover" status is suspended indefinitely.