Sunday, October 01, 2006

I write a weekly column every Friday for popular site AMERICAblog, called Cliff's Corner. Check it out below, if you are so inclined:

The Week That Was 9/29/06

Another week. More preposterousness to report.

Just wondering if there are any Republicans who are at this point not under investigation for massive corruption, absolute incompetence or thinking a 16-year old boy, whose friends are in “great shape,” is the logical choice with which to embark upon cyber-pen pal relations? I mean does it ever end with these guys?

You’ll find more scruples in the Gambino residence than the Republican Caucus.

Now whether Mark Foley is guilty of anything, hopefully CREW will get to the bottom of that (UPDATE: Since I wrote this Foley's guilt has been established, and he has tendered his resignation from Congress to Denny Hastert). But does this man really not see where emails that say things like “how old are you now” and “send me a pic of you as well” might be inappropriate for The Co-Chair of the US House Missing and Exploited Children Caucus to be emailing to underage boys?

You may remember another Republican Frank Figueroa, the special agent in charge of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Tampa–which controls Operation Predator, the agency's program to arrest child predators–was charged with walking up to a 16-year-old girl in a mall, pulling up his pant leg and masturbating for 10 minutes.

I mean I do understand the Kung Pao Chicken in the food court can get pretty exciting. And really, who hasn’t looked at the mannequins in The Gap and thought to themselves, maybe I need to try something on in the fitting room for a few minutes?

But really folks, I am almost at the point where Republican reality has gone beyond any jokes I could think to cook up.

I mean I now understand how George W. Bush “didn’t really know” Jack Abramoff. Hell, Abramoff had only talked to members of the Bush Administration 485 times in 5 years, which is only like one time for every three days Bush spent on the ranch…I mean in the White House. Why should he remember a guy like that? It would be like remembering you were friends with your largest financial contributor after his company Enron went down in flames, or how to pronounce nuclear.

And who has time for that when you’re reading a couple Shakespeares and My Pet Goat II: This Time I’ll React When We’re Attacked.

I don’t want to ruin the plot, but from what I can gather the goat becomes an Arab linguist who is fired from the armed forces for being gay. When he responds by protesting a Bush campaign event, his legs are shattered with a Gothic War Hammer after the president determines that’s not considered torture in the United States. It’s supposed to be a real tear jerker.

In any case, I think we need to set up pool. Whoever correctly guesses the next Republican occurrence of law-breaking wins the all the marbles. You know Bill Bennett’s in. And there are so many possibilities where they can break new ground. Deer heads stuffed into mailboxes for example. Oh…right.

Ok, how about grand theft auto? Public urination? Hey, I don’t think necrophilia has yet been discovered among GOP elected officials yet.

Although you might want to check with Henry Hyde’s wife on that one.

Shameless Plug #1: Go here for my weekly appearance on the Young Turks (Where else will you find conversation about Ron Jeremy and GOP Rep. John Sweeney).

Shameless Plug #2: My take on Republican foreign policy inanity throughout the years.

Shameless Plug #3: I will be on MSNBC this Sunday twice between 12-1 Eastern Time (supposedly 12:15 and 12:45) if you want to see me debate the usual Republican miscreant.


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