Thursday, May 17, 2007

20 Ways Bush & Co. Can Make a Democratic White House a Certainty:

  1. Do not, under any circumstances, fire Alberto Gonzales.
  2. Do, however, fire more U.S. Attorneys.
  3. Offer free tours of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center.
  4. Offer free tours of areas affected by Hurricane Katrina.
  5. Offer free tours of Jenna and Not Jenna's living quarters.
  6. Increase the number and length of Bush press conferences.
  7. Refer often to Dick Cheney's sage observations. Include many visual aids of his face .
  8. Continue defending the Iraq occupation while providing amusing and creative antonyms for "occupation".
  9. Encourage Fox Noise to keep disparaging Ron Paul.
  10. Replay the Republican debates.
  11. Ask Laura to expound on the One Explosion in Iraq per Day theory.
  12. Replay Karl Rove's rap debut.
  13. Maintain all denials; enhance them with confident smirks.
  14. Never answer a question directly, accurately, or genuinely.
  15. Accelerate the increase of troops to Iraq.
  16. Don't let that war with Iran slip away.
  17. Kill innocent civilians over there so they don't follow us here.
  18. Privatize everything.
  19. Don't give up on that whole "spreading Democracy" thing.
  20. Three words: Torture, torture, torture.


At 8:29 PM, Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Good one, gottalaff!

Let's not forget to have Bush go on a long vacation during hurricane season, not to be interrupted by any disasters, of course.

Also, Condi Rice should go shoe shopping and to a Broadway play during the next disaster.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

How'd I miss those? We need to have an "open blog" post so everyone can add their own stuff. There's JUST SO MUCH!

At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Eli said...

They could cut off the media's cocktail weenies and cucumber sandwiches and quail eggs. That might sink 'em pretty quick.

At 8:45 PM, Anonymous barkleyg said...

21: At midnight, every night, have Laura come on the tube and, in kind of a Christmasy atmosphere, in such a sweet voice say : "And remember my fellow Americans, when we all sleep safely tonite, nobody will be feeling worse than your King and his Queen about the situation in Iraq!"

At 8:46 PM, Anonymous leslie said...

Bush should continue to support the troops and cut their funding some more. (including insurance and death benefits)

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I think if Bush has more than one State of the Union addresses to tell us how great the economy is, that might do it.


More no-bid contracts for Halliburton


Another speech by Bush while he is in full military flight gear to tell us the Mission is Accomplished...again!

At 9:17 PM, Blogger Paddy said...

Stock up on codpieces.

Give Dead Eye more ammo.

Bring back Ashcroft and let him sing the blues away.

At 9:29 PM, Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Bush could do another little video spoof looking through his office for the missing e-mails instead of WMD.

At 9:47 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

This is too much fun. I'm reveling. These are hilarious.

At 11:07 PM, Blogger Mary Ellen said... more suggestion. Bush can appoint Karl Rove to replace Wolfowitz at the World Bank.


Bush can replace Wolfowitz with his daughter, Jenna.


Bush can replace Wolfowitz with his dog, Barney.

At 4:26 PM, Anonymous tbsa said...

Make sure to keep rejecting the military pay raise.

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