Thursday, August 30, 2007

Oh no! Bush may not have a reason to bomb Iran after all!
What's a war-happy Maniac-In-Chief to do?

The United Nations nuclear watchdog agency gave an upbeat assessment of Iranian cooperation with international inspectors in a new report Thursday that could make it more difficult for the United States to win tougher U.N. sanctions against Iran.
No way! If this keeps up, we'll have to find a brand new country to invade!
The report by the International Atomic Energy Agency in Vienna also concluded that while Iran continues to enrich uranium in violation of U.N. Security Council resolutions, its fuel enrichment plant has produced "well below the expected quantity for a facility of this design." The quality of the uranium also was lower than expected, the IAEA said.
What no mushroom cloud? No Holocaust? What fun is that?
The report praised Iran for --
SCREEEEEECH! Huh?? Wait. Go back. Say that again.
The report praised Iran for taking "a significant step forward" by agreeing to a new work plan and timelines for resolving numerous questions about the history of its nuclear program. Separately, U.N. officials said that Iran had slowed construction of a new plutonium-fuel reactor in Arak.
Boiiiiing! That was the sound of Bush's eyes popping out of his head.
The report suggests that if Iran adheres to the program and timelines, the agency could resolve its remaining questions about the nature of the country's nuclear program by the end of the year and close the file.
Close the file? Close the file? What are they nuts? This must be some mistake. We can't have that. It simply won't do. That was Chimpy's favorite file!
If the IAEA concludes that Iran has not engaged in a covert program to develop nuclear weapons, it could raise new questions about the quality of U.S. intelligence in the Middle East. The United States made the case for going to war against Iraq based on claims that Saddam Hussein had programs to develop nuclear technologies and other weapons of mass destruction, but U.S. forces found no evidence of such programs after invading the country.
Bush would have to come up with a whole new little skit on looking for WMD somewhere else. Wouldn't that be special? He's such a cut-up.
But the report also gave ammunition to Iran's critics, who noted that the country has not stopped its uranium enrichment...
Whaddya want? They are part of the Axis of Evil. Nobody's perfect.


At 10:53 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

That pesky IAEA, always sticking their noses where they don't belong.

At 11:10 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

So the invasion schedule just got bumped up?

At 11:19 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

It would have to be. They'd have to invade before everyone figured out that this report is out there giving Iran a few points in their favor.

At 11:39 PM, Blogger Kerri said...

Now this just made my day. And what a day. After eating tainted beef and spinach I was just settling in to a comfortable night of craven fear of everything in my refrigerator. Instead, I can cuddle up to the wine bottle (what else is left me?) and wait for the inevitable announcement that our fearless leader is playing with the nukes again. It seems to me these little announcements only set him off. Like the angry drunk cousin everyone avoids at Christmas.

At 11:41 PM, Blogger GottaLaff said...

Addy, I think you nailed it.

Hey, I haven't had a good tainted hunk of beef in weeks! I've got to stop eating nothing but Cheetos and boxed wine.

And lucky you, a real bottle! Did it have a cork or a screw top?

At 12:01 AM, Blogger Kerri said...

I have been forced to buy wine bottled with corks again after my favorite cheap wine stopped selling their sauvignon blanc that had those handy screw tops. What can I say?
Now I'm on to a tasty wine made here in Washington so it's worth messing with the cork. Found this funny passage while looking up the spelling of sauvignon blanc. It's from wikipedia:

Wine experts often use the phrase "cat's pee on a gooseberry bush" as a favorable
description of Sauvignon blanc from the Loire Valley and New Zealand. ...

Now if we can't find a use for that phrase here on Cliff's site I'll go pee into a gooseberry bush.

At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You Libruls don't understand. We have to attack Iran because we invaded Iraq, which has empowered Iran and made them the most powerful nation in the middle east. Remember, the Iranians are the ones responsible for our dead troops too. It's all their fault.

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